Lucero I

Lucero I

Female, Age 29

Crossed the border at 9 fleeing domestic violence and reuniting with her mother 

U.S. high school sophomore; U.S. occupation: Restaurant worker, homemaker

Detained for speeding and deported at 27

Left Behind: Parents, siblings, four children

Mexican Occupation: Call center worker

Mexico City, Mexico

Lucero I

June 7, 2019

Interviewer: How old are you Lucero?

Lucero: 29.

Interviewer: You were born in Mexico?

Lucero: Yes, I’m born in Mexico City.

Interviewer: Where in Mexico?

Lucero: It was in the city. I’m not sure, the name of the place is Iztacalco.

Interviewer: Did you go to school in Mexico before going to the United States?

Lucero: Yes.

Interviewer: Until what grade? How much?

Lucero: It was just like . . . middle school.

Interviewer: Sixth grade?

Lucero: Sixth grade.

Interviewer: You didn’t work before you went to the United States?

Lucero: No, I was, I was so little.

Interviewer: Did you migrate once or more than once to the United States?

Lucero: No, just once.

Interviewer: Just once. Why did you migrate?

Lucero: Oh, my mom, she left first. We stayed here like for six years without mom. She was just saving money, call us – send the property stuff, you know, like what we need. But after six years, mom decides to bring us to the United States. When she left, I was six years old, and my brother five years old.

Interviewer: So you didn’t see your mother for how many years?

Lucero: Six years.

Interviewer: Wow.

Lucero: It was too long. It was hard because she was mom and dad at the same time, and I always had my grandmother take care of us. Well, the first of all, it was just living with my dad. But Dad, he was never at home. He was working all the time. After that I just take care of my brother. I wouldn’t have any time for myself. It was take care of him, school, homework, all of that, telling Mom how I was doing, how I was feeling. After those, I just remember that I moved into my other grandma’s house, my mother’s mom.

Lucero: We just decide to live there. We had no good experience without mama at home.

Interviewer: So, you were sort of a mother to your younger brother, as a very small girl?

Lucero: Yeah, I never have time for playing with other kids because I was always at home, taking care of my brother. He was sick. One time, he’s opened his head because he was playing, and I was like, “I don’t know what to do.” One time, a long time ago, when we just go to after school—where the teacher help us on homework and learning more stuff that we don’t understand in school. So one day, my brother he just walk out the door and I was with the teacher, talking, and we just hear like a car accident. It was my brother. They take him to the hospital. It was a lot of things because mom my was not over there. She was not here for us, for helping us, for telling at those moments how we feel. Like if somebody do something to us, or if somebody touching us, or something like that.

Interviewer: And did that happen?

Lucero: Yeah, it would happen with the family. We never say anything because we don’t know who we are speaking to, who you are talking to, or only hear bad treatments, bad words, mentality, all of those things. But after that, when we just decide to move on with my mom, we leave my grandma here.

Interviewer: So, you were sexually abused as a child?

Lucero: Yes. And domestic violence too. It was not easy, but we just growing up with that mentality, that everything was normal and everything was okay. Because we don’t have no one to tell you, “Hey, this is wrong,” “Hey, when you’re growing up, you will have a [inaudible]  woman feeling to give you a hug,” or how to love. How do you love yourself? How do you love someone? We don’t know nothing about that. We never know or expected those things because we never growing up with love.

Interviewer: So, you were completely abandoned?

Lucero: Well I’m not going to say that, but I think it is probably Mom move on and leave because she’s try to give us a better life. But when we’re just growing up, all those six years, like you’re growing up with a mentality like, “Why Mom or Daddy was not there when somebody discriminate you or tell you something that will make you feel bad, or some stuff like that?” When we there, I was just hating life.

Lucero: You know, when I was having argument with my mom because I was like, “You never be there when it was Mother’s Day, you was not there. When it was my birthday, you was not there. You send money, you send clothes, you send this and that, but the important thing, it was not in there. Did you ever talk to us, ‘How do you feeling, what do you think, do you like her, is somebody’s going to do something to you? Or what’s going on?’ You never be there.” But here, me and my brother to tell you, “Mom we’re feeling like this, we have something, or somebody do something to us, like we never have you there.” So that’s when our parents separated, or moms left, or we’re left, feel completely like themselves. So it was, it was a little bit hard.

Interviewer: A lot hard, I bet. How old were you went to join your mother?

Lucero: Around, I don’t know, maybe one night when I saw my mother after six years—

Interviewer: When you went to the United States?

Lucero: I was 9.

Interviewer: Nine. And did you just cross the border or did you—

Lucero: Yeah, it was across the border.

Interviewer: Was that easy? What happened?

Lucero: When I was cross the border, it was me, my brother, and my cousin. I just remember the first time, we just tried to jump. It was really tall. I was feeling that I was probably fell down and broken arm or my hair or some stuff. We just met the coyotes and they help us to jump to the other side and they was telling us to run like out to nowhere. We don’t even have nobody. We never know where’s the other place to run or to get cover from the Immigration around there.

Lucero: After that, we don’t walk for long. But we just decide to come back because they left us in the middle of the nowhere. And we’re just like, “What’s going on?” I remember my cousin Javier, he would say, “We have to come back. We’re not too far away now.” Like, “How? We don’t even know here. We don’t know around, how are we gonna come back, these people leave us here.” And like, “Well I do see where we’re walking, so just . . . so everything is going to be okay. Let’s try to come back, because if we continue walking and walking, we don’t know where we are, it’s going to be more difficult.” I was like, “Okay.”

Lucero: We just decide to back and try to jump, like helping each other because who is going to catch us on the other side? He said “Let me jump first, and you guys going to jump later.” I was like, “Okay.” So we just helping each other. He jumped first, like to cross the border again, and we just like jumping and cross again and we just walked back to the hotel and we just wait two or three days. Because we talk to the coyote man and I just hear my cousin, he say, “Those people leave us in the middle of the nowhere.” And they say, “Well why you guys come back? And they don’t catch you, they don’t get you, and none of that.” And I was like thank you. And we just decide to come back and we was in the hotel, he said, “You guys take a rest,” they bring us food, and they like, “We going to try again.” He said, “It’s going to be a little bit different.” And I was like, “Okay.”

Lucero: On the third day, we just decide to walking. They leave us with the people, we just jumping in the car, and it was in the night, in the middle of the road. They say, “We cross like two roads, three”—I don’t really remember. And they say, “You guys going to get out of the car, we’re going to turn off the lights of the car, and you just have to run.” And we was with other man, he was a young, young guy—he’s probably like 20, 27, 20. He’s like, “I’m the one, I’m going to take care of this tonight.” And I was like, “Okay.”

Lucero: We just like dressing up and everything and we just start walking, walking, and walking. It was in the night, we were just looking around because we don’t see nothing, it’s no lights, none of that. I was like, “Oh my God, probably animals or snakes or something like that, we don’t see anything.” And he say, “It’s okay, I know where we going. Soon as we get there, everything’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Lucero: I just remember, we just walking, walking, and we just take a little break and the guy, he was just walking around to check if see if there was not Immigration around and we just continue. We just take a long while. Like a whole night, we get there like the next day before some stars, you know shining in the morning.

Lucero: I just remember, he, the coyote man went, “We have to run as fast as we can. Don’t look and turn back because we’re going to pass outside of a jail.” And we’re just like, “What? How are we going to do that?” He’s like, “Yeah, we just have to walk.” My brother gave the hand to my cousin, and I give the hand to this coyote. He’s like, “Okay, I’m going to take care of you and you have to run as fast as you can. Don’t lose me. Don’t move your hand or my hand, we just have to stay each other, but we have to run.” He was just like, “Don’t look around or something because they have cameras.” I was like, “Okay.”

Lucero: He say, “Are you guys ready?” We was like, “Yeah, I guess.” And we just started running. I just remember, I don’t turn my face nowhere, I don’t looking back, I just looking forward. Finish to cross the jail we just got around from the jail.  So we just do that, he just make a phone call, we were already there. It was really hard because it was a lot of rocks and just running. I was having in that moment in my mind, like, “What going to be happen if the police officers or somebody from jail see us running us outside. Like shooting us or something because sometimes it happens. They don’t care.”

Lucero: But that day, we just make it. And they picking up us. They take us to a trailer park, and they let us take a shower, they give us food, and we were just tired because we were just walking and like no sleep, none of that. After we get there, they call my mom and say, “Meet us right here. Your kids they cross.” It was in Texas. So, they bring a truck with bunches of people to go to different states to Texas, to the south and north. So they take us, we take a long trip, almost like four or five days after that.

Interviewer: On the truck?

Lucero: On the truck with people. They say if they stop us, we have to say we just come from work from another state, with the agriculture people, like picking tomatoes or cranberries or some stuff like that. And just tell them that this lady is your mom, some stuff because we was like, me and my brother and another kid, was little. Like they say something like, “Well you come too many,” you just tell them that, like don’t say anything else. I was like, “Okay.” But they don’t treat us bad, there was nice people. Soon as we finish to the trip with the rest of the people, we just, we just saw mom after long, a few years, like six seven years almost.

Lucero: Well the first interaction was like, “Well, finally we’re with you.” We were just asking questions at the same time, “Why do you leave us? Why you take too long for bring us? Why?” You know, it’s too many questions. It’s just like, “Do you think we want to be work here? Like we don’t speak English, how we’re going to talk, how we’re going to say something?” She say, “You guys going to be at school, you going to be have the teachers, they going to be teach you, don’t worry, everything’s going to be okay.” And when we get home with Mom, I was just remember that my mom that she never told us that she was to have a baby.

Lucero: She never say nothing. No mention, none of this. And we’re like, why we just get home, we see just my little brother, it was like, “Who’s that baby?” She was like, “It’s your brother.” We’re like, “What do you mean it’s my brother?” She’s like, “Yeah, I have another son. I don’t guys tell you because you are going to probably feel jealous or this and that.” In that moment, in my mind, I was like, “Well my mom she forget us for long because of the baby,” and you know, like not negative stuff, but we just like, “What’s going on here?” We just see her, she was living with somebody, and she have my brother, and I was like, “That’s not going to be happening.” That almost broke my heart because I still have that mentality Mom and Dad come back one day. But I was like, “Mm-mm [Negative], I’m 29, just like 29 years they not together anymore.” So, it was like, “Uh oh.” And I was sort of like, I was with bad mood with mom, or she was telling me something like, “You have attitude,” or something like that. I was like, “Because it’s a lot of things. You don’t talk to us, you don’t tell us the truth.” I was feeling that mom was bringing us to United States with lies. Everything’s going to be okay, but she never talk about she was having with somebody, she was having another baby, none of that. That was a big surprise for us.

Interviewer: Yeah, I imagine. Let me just ask you a few questions, going back. You said that when you crossed the border, you jumped. What did you jump over?

Lucero: It was like, some of this material.

Interviewer: Like barbed wire?

Lucero: Yeah, the barbed wire, yeah, but to the top. But we just like helping each other with the hands, like holding one person on the bottom and somebody holding you, and the other one, was on the other side to try to catch you in case you slip or just don’t catch yourself well. So, you have someone else on the other side to help bring you, to wait, or carry you. Because it was really tall.

Interviewer: Really tall.

Lucero: It was really tall. And I was like, “Oh my God, probably not make it.” I was scared because it was too much for jump and one person before you jump and other person on the other side, it was like, “Do you think you can jump this?” Like, “I don’t know, like you need to show us.” Because we don’t know. And they say, “Yeah, you’re kids, you won’t probably make it.”

Interviewer: You won’t probably make it.

Lucero: It was like, “Well it depends.” And I just remember they like have a person this side and the other person on the other side. They always make my cousin Javier, to get him first and us later.

Interviewer: And then when you say you walked in the sort of, was it in the desert you were walking?

Lucero: Yes

Interviewer: For how many days?

Lucero: Two. Whole night and the rest half of the day before the sun is coming up.

Interviewer: And did you have anything to drink or eat?

Lucero: No.

Interviewer: Nothing?

Lucero: Nothing. We just remember that we pass outside some country or something and they have those like a big bowl, but water for animals. And they say, “You can drink water from there.” I was like, “No, I’m not going to drink water from there.” We never know what the water have, if they have some contaminants or something because that’s for animals. We’re looking it, the smell, and all that, and I was like, “No, I’m not going to drink nothing.” I’m like it don’t matter if I’m really thirsty, but I’m going to wait.

Lucero: When we was walking, this coyote, he was having light on his hand, I remember I see gallons of water, we just get some water from there—well we just see one and a half. It’s like, “You can drink that water because people they leave stuff here.” They can’t carry a lot of things, where you see jackets, clothes, those waters were empty ones, or some stuff like that, shoes. I know I was like, “Oh my God, why we see this?” We was thinking like probably somebody left clothes here, probably they kill somebody or they [inaudible] someone, and leave the clothes here and take him away. But we just continue walking with less light up, we can’t able to see anything around because it was dark, it was night.

Interviewer: So, you went to school in the United States?

Lucero: Yes.

Interviewer: And that’s where you learned your English?

Lucero: Yeah, I just started over everything again in middle school because mom says it doesn’t count, the school they did here. She was like, “Well they are going to make you a test, and they are going to talk to you and they’re going to show you some stuff to see what level you are. So you guys going to start school and this.” And I was like, “Okay.” It was a little bit hard.

Interviewer: So, they made you start middle school over again?

Lucero: Yeah, they made us start over everything on the middle school because they said there was not the same thing here than there. So, we just like start over. 

Interviewer: What was school like?

Lucero: How was the school?

Interviewer: Did you like school?

Lucero: At the first, I was like, “No.” I always tell my mom, “No, they talk weird or something. Like I don’t even know what I have to say.” I was like, “The Latinos there are like really picky if you asking, ‘how do you say this,’ ‘how do you say I want to go to the bathroom,’ ‘how do you say this and that?’” And she was like, “You’re going to learn, you’re going to learn.” And they always teaching us like bad stuff, or some stuff, I was like, “No, you’re going to say something else because that’s not right. You’re laughing.” And they say, “No, it’s nothing bad.” I was like, “Yeah it’s something bad.” I was like, “No, teach me good stuff. I want to learn this stuff. I don’t like to learn bad words or none of that stuff.”

Lucero: So, it was a little bit hard at the first days, I was like, “No, I don’t want to go to school.” We just dressed up with regular clothes because we don’t have that experience here—we have to use here uniform all the time. And I was like, “Mom. Wait, are you sure we have to wear some regular clothes?” It’s like, “Yeah, all the schools are like here.” Like, ” Okay. That’s different.” They’re like, “We don’t spend on uniforms, we don’t spend on none of that. We don’t spend on… Everything’s going to be okay here. You have a lot of chances to progress here.” That’s the only things Mom says. I was like, “Okay.”

Lucero: So, when they says, “You have to go and wait to the bus stop. The first time I am going to take you to school, but after school you have to come on the bus.” “How do I go to the bus? How do I feel lose, or I don’t know? How are they going to communicate you?” “Because I’m going to show you. I just bring you with me around the town, I show you around, some couple places around, I leave the phone number in case if something happen to you, they’re going to call my straight from school. Don’t worry. It’s okay.” I was like, “No, I don’t want to go on the bus, I can walk.” Like, “No, it’s too long for walk. Here, no you can’t able to see a lot of people walking.” But I’m “Mom!”

Interviewer: Where were you living?

Lucero: I was in North Carolina.

Interviewer: In where in North Carolina? Do you remember?

Lucero: The was the name is Catawba County.

Interviewer: Okay.

Lucero: Yeah, it was Catawba County. Yeah, it was like a country, but it always with a car.

Interviewer: Always with a car.

Lucero: Always in the car. I was like, “Mom, why can we not walk here?” I was like, “It’s weird. All the people always in the car.” Like, “Well, we cannot walk.” And “Let’s take a walk.” Like, “No you can just walk, like exercise in the morning. A lot of people are going to do exercise.” And it’s like, “This is a different world. This is really completely different.” I was feeling really weird. Or like the bread here’s weird. I don’t know what’s going on. Like we cannot walk, we cannot go outside like this, because they say police going to ask you ask questions and it’s like, “What world is this?” She was just laughing. And like, “It’s okay. In the morning, I going to take you, you’re going to see people while they’re walking, but you’re not going to see most people walking because everybody had to drive car here.”

Lucero: I was like, “Oh my God. So I have need to learn to drive too?” She was like, “One day, you’re going to learn to drive.” I was like, “Why we wait for a taxi here?” “No, you have to call taxi to come to your house.” I was like, “What?” “Yes.” I was like, “Oh my God. No, I don’t like here. Are you going to come back?” And like, “No, no you have to stay here. And I tell you everything’s going to be work, you’re going to be excited, you’re going to make friends.” It’s like, “Okay.”

Interviewer: So how much schooling did you do?

Lucero: I went to 10th grade.

Interviewer: 10th grade. Did you work in the United States?

Lucero: Yeah.

Interviewer: How many years did you work in the United States?

Lucero: I started working… when I was 14. When I was 14 year old, I started working. I was going to high school and working in the afternoon.

Interviewer: Okay, you started working when you were 14 and you worked for how many years?

Lucero: I think I was working for three months or four months.

Interviewer: Three or four months?

Lucero: On a restaurant. Yeah.

Interviewer: In a restaurant?

Lucero: In a restaurant. The name of it was Checkers, the restaurant.

Interviewer: I know Checkers.

Lucero: Yeah, Checkers, I was working Checkers at the kitchen.

Interviewer: And did you work more or that was it?

Lucero: No, when I was finished, I just decided to continue with the school. I just get out from school. And I was move on, I started helping my mom at home with the bills and all that because she was the only support at home. I was just talk to my mom one day about it, I’m like, “You know what, I don’t want to go to school no more. I want to help you, because I see every time you get mad or some stuff like because I don’t know what’s going on.” She was like, “It’s because I pay everything and I take care of you and this and that.” And I was like, “Well I’m not going to go to school no more, I will be help you. Just like you work, pay the rent, and I pay the bills.” And that’s how I that learn how to take care, house working, how you have to take care of yourself, how you can buy a pair of shoes, how you can take care of for your own self.

Interviewer: So basically you became the house mom, and your mother went to work?

Lucero: Mm-hmm. 

Interviewer: I get it. Okay.

Lucero: And I was taking care of my little brother too.

Interviewer: Your half-brother?

Lucero: MM-hmm. Well, it’s my brother because he’s from a different dad, but the same thing as my brother, my half-brother. But I was like, “Okay.” He was little. I used to get him, when we just get with my mom, when he was little, that’s how I learn how to make a bottle, put the baby in the shower, do all those things that I made with my older brother.

Interviewer: So, you did it, the same thing you did in Mexico, you did again in the United States?

Lucero: In the States and I was like, “Oh my God, why did I have to take care of all this too?” I get up in the morning, Mom says, “Hey I’m leaving to work. I have to work on the weekends too because I want to give you guys a better life and this and that.” And I was like, “Yes Mom, but it’s too much. You leave and you leave me with the baby. I don’t know.” “Like, don’t open the door, don’t answer the phone if it’s just me, I will call you.”

Lucero: And I was like, “Okay. But what do I do with the baby?” And like, “Look. Just fill it up the bottle, this is the size. And behind the milk, the formula, it teaches you, it shows you instructions, how you make your bottle.” I was like, “Oh my God, I have to babysit my brother? You don’t pay a lady for she can take care of him?” And she was like laughing like, “You want to be one?” And I was always taking care of him.

Interviewer: Wow. So who did you live with when you were in the United States? You lived with your parents? Your mom?

Lucero: My mom.

Interviewer: Your siblings?

Lucero: My brother, and the baby, my baby brother, and her husband. They was living together. But yeah, just us.

Interviewer: And were you frightened of U.S. authorities, or the police, or migration of anybody?

Lucero: No.

Interviewer: No. Did you guys send money back to Mexico?

Lucero: No.

Interviewer: So, you followed a little bit through TV?

Lucero: Yeah. But mostly not really because we just like always with homework, helping mom to do things at the house. She was like, “You have learn how to cook, how to be in the kitchen, you have to do this, you have to.” I’m like, “When will it going to be time for me? Always cooking, cleaning, no! I want to have my own time.” But we just mostly that.

Interviewer: So why did you leave the United States?

Lucero: Why did I leave the United States? I was there for a long time. But, I was going to Atlanta, Georgia. I don’t have no drivers license. I was driving to come back to North Carolina. I was speeding. One of the police officer stop me, ask me for the license and things from the car, and they say, “I just go and check.” He just goes—I don’t remember if he was DEA or somebody—”They need to check your car. I’m not saying that you bring something or that you have something or drugs or stuff like that, but they need to check the car.”

Lucero: I was like, “What’s wrong with you? Like I don’t have nothing, where are you coming from?” I was like, “If you see, I have the GPS, I come for the people, they come from work to pick up watermelons. I have a lot of watermelons in the trunk, I’m going to take care of this for people that I know. I just come and say ‘Hey’ to them, just go back and forth, that’s it.”

Lucero: “Yeah, but you was speeding.” I like, “Yes, sir, I understand but I have to come back because I have my kids waiting for me. I have a baby waiting for me. That was probably speeding, right? And the car is for a rental car service, so I have to bring up before this time and it’s already late.” Other people come, they check the car, open the trunk, my stuff, and they was checking in my phone where I was coming from. Then they say, “Well we’ll have to take you to pay your ticket and you will be free to leave.”

Lucero: They don’t put me in no handcuffs, none of that. I was like, just got in the car, “Can I get phone and my wallet because how am I going to talk and some stuff like that?” They’re like, “Yeah, but you cannot take the rest of the stuff.” I was like, “Okay.” “And you can’t drive neither.” I was like, “Okay.” I just remember that I was calling someone to help me because I was trying to pay with my card, my credit card, but they say they no take cards, they say I have to take cash.

Lucero: I was like, “Okay” and they say, “They’re not going to take your phone nothing of you, they just have to wait and see for someone that can come and get you.” I was like, “Well how they going to come and get me, I’m six hours away from it? It’s going to be taking long.” And they, “No, probably have to wait and don’t worry.” I was like, “Okay.” As soon as I get in there, like they check my name and all that, and it was like, “You have to give us your cell phone and your wallet” And I was like, “Why? He said they’re not going to take my wallet away and all my phone, how did I am going to communicate with the family?”

Lucero: “No, you cannot do that. They have to pay your tickets and then after that, you can be able to have your stuff to you back.” And I like, “What happened to the car? Why is it going to be happen? What are they going to do?” “Oh, they take it to, to where all those cars going, where people they have no license.” I just remember that officer was a little bit rude. It’s like, “Well, don’t say anything else. If we don’t ask anything, you don’t talk.” Like, “Okay.” I was waiting, I was calling someone, nobody answers the phone. I ask them, “Can I try it on my phone because I need to communicate, I need to tell them it’s me calling, they have to answer the phone.” And they were like, “Yeah, it’s fine.” And I was like, “Okay, I just trying to find someone.” “But don’t answer the phone, don’t answer no messages.” I was like, “Okay.”

Lucero: And I was like texting someone, tell them what was going on. And the police officer he was getting really rude. Like, “I told you don’t give her phone again if she asking for the phone. Don’t give it to her.” I’m like, “I was telling them what happened, they don’t know, I just want them to know. Like if you let me give them a call, it’s not going to be more than a minute.” And so, I just do that, and after that I call, then they say they want to see the way, how they can make it there. I just remember quickly taking a picture from the place and I just put the location. I just send them. I was like, “This is the location where I am located at. This is my full name, just come and see what’s going on because they don’t let me know nothing about it. I don’t know what’s going to be happen. They say they had to pay my tickets before anytime, or some stuff like that, before they dress me up and take me to the rest of the people.” “Okay.” But you see, like they say it several times about letting me go and let me leave, and after that I just remember the police officers says, “Hey so someone’s going to talk to you on the phone.” I was like, “Who?” They’re like, “Just answer the phone.” And I just remember I was say “Yes. Who did I speaking?” It was like, “What’s your full name?” I say my full name, “______” It was like, “Well do you know who you’re speaking to?” “No, I don’t” They was like, “Well, are you in United States of the America, are you a citizen?”

Lucero: I was like, “Do I have to answer you these questions?” They’re like, “Well I’m just asking you.” Like, “Well I’m just asking you too. Do I have to answer this questions? I don’t have to answer you any of this if I don’t talk to a lawyer, to an attorney.” That person I always remember he was mad. He was like, “Well don’t answer, but I will go see like face to face.” And I’m like, “Okay.” He’s like, “Give the phone to the person, the attorney,” to speak to me.”

Lucero: And I don’t know what he tells to the police officer. So after he hang up, he’s like, “I’m going to put you back where you’s been at.” And I was like, “Okay.” He like, “Do you know who you’re speaking to?” I was like, “No.” “That was for immigration. Because you’re in immigration hands already.” I was always remember that day, I was crying. Because they take my whole life. [Pause]. [Emotional]. I don’t know. It’s too hard. Seventeen years. Away. Have kids. I want to come back to see my kids again.

Interviewer: You have kids in the U.S.?

Lucero: [Affirmative sound]. They are citizens.

Interviewer: They’re citizens?

Lucero: Yes, they are citizens.

Interviewer: Okay wait a minute, so let’s just go through this. Just a second. Did you appear before a judge? When they stopped you and they told you all this, did you appear before a judge? 

Lucero: I was, yes.

Interviewer: And did they tell you that you had rights?

Lucero: Yes. I wait in jail to pay the tickets.

Interviewer: Right.

Lucero: Yeah.

Interviewer: So, you were in jail to pay the tickets, and then they transferred you to Immigration.

Lucero: To Immigration.

Interviewer: I understand. Did you have a lawyer?

Lucero: Not at the moment.

Interviewer: But afterwards?

Lucero: After that we just try to look for one, but it was like really hard because I was not prepared for that. It was like taking me by surprise. We tried to talk to one and the lawyer, I just remember, she says like, “Too much going on” to do something for me to see if I can be able to stay or qualify for more because I always have more than 10 years. I think when they have more than 10 years, they can qualify for, see if they can stay there. There can be permissions or visa or some stuff like that. It was going for a lot. They’re like, “You have to show and now prove that you this that and that.”

Interviewer: But you’ve done nothing wrong. This is the first time you’d had any encounter with authorities was when they stopped you for speeding?

Lucero: No, I was never do nothing wrong.

Interviewer: Never?

Lucero: It was just a speeding.

Interviewer: After 10 years?

Lucero: Well before, I do have a record, but I was showing up in court, pay attorneys for all that, but after that the only thing was because I don’t have no license and I was speeding. I was like, “Well I don’t have anything.” They was waiting for pay the tickets. They was already have the money.

Interviewer: Had you tickets that you hadn’t paid?

Lucero: I think I had one left.

Interviewer: One ticket left?

Lucero: Yeah because they give me four. Speeding, when I just move to the side, because the police officer showing up from the nowhere on the middle of the… Yeah, I was driving and he was like, “Well you move on, I give you this tickets for this reason for that reason.” I was like, “Four tickets? What do you mean four tickets?”

Interviewer: But these were the first tickets you ever got. Or had you gotten tickets before at another time?

Lucero: Just for no license. That’s it.

Interviewer: So how long were you detained?

Lucero: It was for almost six months.

Interviewer: Six months? Where were you? Do you know where they detained you?

Lucero: It was in Atlanta, Georgia.

Interviewer: Was it an immigration detention?

Lucero: It was immigration detention. 

Interviewer: And then you were deported?

Lucero: Yeah, it was taking long to have a court because they say it was like every two weeks but after that, they say it’s every month. I always had to wait a whole month for have the first court, when we have the first court, it says—

Interviewer: when you came back did people receive you here? Did government authorities receive you?

Lucero: Yes, that was in TJ. Tijuana.

Interviewer: And did they give you any assistance?

Lucero: Yeah, They told me if you want to use the phone and welcome to Mexico, we have to register you back to Mexico. They was asking for a full name, and they told us we have to wait because they have to take care of what the people they take care of—I don’t know it’s always immigration to register that way, the entrance to Mexico again—and they let me call my mom. I always have my phone, but with some phones, they don’t work, they don’t exist, it’s not the same service here.

Lucero: So, I just called my mom, and I just told her, “Yeah I am in Mexico City now.” I’m in Mexico, in TJ, I was like, “I’m going to see the why how can I leave? I have a couple of dollars with me, see if I can change it or buy a flight ticket, or a bus ticket when I see how that I can come back,” and she was like, “Okay.” She just contact my family from Mexico City, it was like, “She’s was in Tijuana and she will be there, I don’t know. She’s going to give me a call.” And she was like, “Can I send you money for you to be able to make it or get a bus ticket?” I was like, “No it’s okay. Don’t worry, the people from here for the government, they say they’re going to help us with the ticket. The bus ticket.”

Interviewer: And did they?

Lucero: Yeah, they did. She’s like, “Where you going now?” I was like, “I’m going to Mexico City.” And she’s like, “Okay, we’ll cover you.” They give me a paper, just like bring to the bus station, this paper, and they will give you a ticket.

Interviewer: So how long have you been back in Mexico?

Lucero: I have here almost two years.

Interviewer: Two year. Two years. Wow. And you live in Mexico City?

Lucero: Yes, I live here in Mexico City.

Interviewer: And who do you live with now?

Lucero: I live on myself. I was living before with my aunt and family, but I just decide to move on for myself.

Interviewer: Do you know of any programs that help people who are returning migrants like you?

Lucero: No.

Interviewer: Have you studied anything since you’ve been back?

Lucero: Not yet.

Interviewer: Have you worked?

Lucero: Yes, I work.

Interviewer: Where have you worked?

Lucero: My first job that I get here was into the performance in a call center.

Interviewer: Call center?

Lucero: Center.

Interviewer: And are you working in a call center now?

Lucero: Yes, I work in an-

Interviewer: And how much are you earning?

Lucero: I just got paid 4,000 every week.

Interviewer: 4,000 every week? Do you feel safe in Mexico? No? Have you been a victim of a violent crime?

Lucero: Yeah, one time.

Interviewer: What happened?

Lucero: It was a man covering his face—

Interviewer: Yeah.

Lucero: He was have a gun. So, I was just walking to the metro—it was like around almost 7:00AM—he just jumped behind me, and he just gave me a hug, like he grabbed me. I was like, “Who are you?” He’s like, “Don’t talk, don’t say anything. Because this is going to be cost your life.” And I was like, “Oh my God.” He just met me on the streets. I just don’t even know what was the streets. I was there like, five or six months. And he was like, “Yeah, just give me all the money that you have.” And I was like, “All right.” I just gave him all things. He just tried to pull away from me the phone, but I say, “No, because I have kids, I just the way how I can contact them.” And he left my phone, be like, “Okay. So I just take the money.”

Lucero: We just walking and walking around. I would just tell him, “When you going to let me leave? Like you already have whatever you have. But when you going to let me leave?” He tried to abuse me because he was touching me everywhere. And I was like, “Oh my God. No, please.” I was like, “I just give you whatever that I have.” And I was like, “If you need help, I can help you but just don’t do this. Why you have to do this?” He just told me to shut up. And he just kicked me on the side, this side. And I see him, he was mad. He say, “Do you talk again? I’m going to shoot you.” I was like, “Okay.” And we was just walking and walking and we would see people coming, walking. And he was like, “I don’t have another choice but to let you go, but don’t turn back. If you turn back, I’m going to shoot you.”

Interviewer: Jesus.

Lucero: And I was like, “Okay.” I was walking and walking, never turned back. I just remember, I cross the street, and I was asking the people, “What was, where was I at?” I don’t even know around mostly. So, the lady said, “You cross from some border?” She would say, “You cross like, where are you from here?” Like, “No, I’m not. I like I just get like people assault me, so that’s the reason.” She was like, “Yeah, I can see in your face, because you change different color.” She’s like, “Are you okay?” I was like, “No, he take all my money, but I just want to come back home.” And that was the first time right now, but after that, uh-huh. That not happen again.

Interviewer: So, I’m going to ask you about some challenges that you faced, and you tell me whether these were challenges. Was it hard to find a job?

Lucero: No.

Interviewer: Did you have other economic difficulties?

Lucero: No.

Interviewer: Did you want to continue your education, or did you try?

Lucero: I’m looking for it.

Interviewer: And is that hard?

Lucero: Sometimes.

Interviewer: Being separated from your family? Finding new friends?

Lucero: Mostly, not really.

Interviewer: Adaptive issues of language? No? You speak Spanish?

Lucero: Yeah, I do but sometimes it’s hard to say some words that I don’t know because we’re just around Colombians, Puerto Ricans, and they speak different. Some people say, “You talk weird.” I was like, “Why?” They’re like, “Talk Spanish but, no, you’re saying some other things that are different than here.” I was like, “Because we’re different Latinos. There is no Mexicans in there. We’re just Colombia and [inaudible 00:52:10] that’s what I know.”

Interviewer: Here in Mexico? You’re living with all those people?

Lucero: No, in the United States.

Interviewer: I’m not asking in the U.S., when you came back to Mexico, were these things difficult? Was it difficult when you came back to Mexico to be separated from your family in the U.S.?

Lucero: Yes.

Interviewer: What about Spanish, was that a problem for you?

Lucero: No.

Interviewer: What about adapting to Mexico, Mexican culture?

Lucero: Yes, it was a little bit hard.

Interviewer: Did you face discrimination when you came back?

Lucero: No.

Interviewer: Difficulties with the bureaucracy?

Lucero: Mm-mm (negative).

Interviewer: you still have family living in the US?

Lucero: [Affirmative sound].

Interviewer: You have your mother?

Lucero: My mom. My brother. And my four kids.

Interviewer: Four kids. How old are your children?

Lucero: 11, 5, 4, and 3.

Interviewer: They are US citizens already?

Lucero: Yes, they are US citizens.

Interviewer: Have they come to visit you?

Lucero: Not yet. They will do probably in vacations, see if they can come just for a week.

Interviewer: This summer?

Lucero: This summer.

Interviewer: Do you follow what’s going on in the US now in the news?

Lucero: No, I don’t really know what’s really going on.

Interviewer: Do you think you’ll return to the United States someday?

Lucero: Sometimes I’m thinking about it to try again. But I just thinking like my own self and go to TJ or go to one of those places, though. I see or hear about people, they say for the human traffic, I know [inaudible]. And I was just got scared at the same time because it’s going to be for my own. My own self.

Interviewer: Yeah.

Lucero: But to see if I can wait or see if I can talk to a lawyer or see if he can do something for my case or my situation, right? Because I’m not doing nothing terrible to just be here. Just because we’re illegal. Like someone, they do, sometimes they do. You know they’re not like doing good over there, then they do a lot of mistakes. Everybody making mistakes, but like me, just for no license and for some simple things because we are little but different. You can hear different stories

Interviewer: Yeah, this is nothing. You’ve done nothing. So if you returned it would be to be with your children?

Lucero: Yes, that’s the only reason that I want to go.

Interviewer: So, it’s the only reason you would return.

Lucero: Because of them.

Interviewer: That’s terrible. I’m so sorry. That’s horrible.

Lucero: Yeah, it is.

Interviewer: I don’t know. Is there anything else you want to say before we end?

Lucero: I hope they can see what the real situation with like people like us. It’s not right to separate families. Because right here it is a little bit more comfortable with cultures, abuses, a lot of, got a lot of things going on here. I love Mexico, I was happy and glad to see all the rest of my family but the only thing I just ask for to try to come back and see my kids again.

Interviewer: I don’t know if it’s too hard to say this, but in one word, just in one sentence, why is it so horrible to separate families? 

Lucero: Well, I don’t know why they do that or why they do this, but the only thing I can say, it’s just not right. Kids, they need mom and dad or mom, doing two parents at the same time, mom and dad at the same time. Like my mom. But I don’t have a word to say. I don’t have a word to say, but that’s not right. I hope they can understand how hard it is for a mother to stay away from kids. Because it’s not the same, a mother to create their own kid, for somebody else to create their own kids.