Ivan IV

Mexico City, Mexico

Ivan IV

June 6, 2019

Interviewer: How old were you when you came to the U.S.?

Ivan VI: I was actually a baby. Uh, 10 months old. I believe it was when my uncle took me over there. Cute little baby, actually. I might add. Yeah, man.

Interviewer: You were very young.

Ivan VI: I was very young. I don’t have any, like, recollection of my, you know, of my baby days until I was like two or three or something, but …

Interviewer: So, you came with your uncle?

Ivan VI: Yeah. See, my mom gave birth to me and they decided to just, you know, take off to the US to chase the American Dream. My uncle, as the months went by after my parents left, he’d seen that I was starting to be not a normal baby. I was just always looking for my mom, or you know, or my dad. And the aunts and uncles … Hugs weren’t doing it for me.

Ivan VI: So, he was just like, “Man, I got to get this guy over there.” And took it upon himself to, you know, pretty much take that whole little journey, because … And he tells me to this day, he’s like, “Man. Believe me, it was a real journey. You crybaby.” Ah, you know, he tells me all kinds of stuff. But, yeah.

Interviewer: Did you guys walk across the border?

Ivan VI: We did it through … He tells me we did it through San Ysidro, Tijuana and Baja, California to the beach. And he tells me the story, he’s climbing up the poles right there in San Ysidro. Me on his shoulder or what-not. And he’s, boom. He puts me on the little thing and then he’s like, “Bien unas gabachas, unas gringas alli.” [There are some white ladies over there] “Oh my god, baby, baby!” You know?

Interviewer: Mm-hmm [affirmative].

Ivan VI: And I guess he handed me off to the … Yeah, to the American folks. And I guess we just played it off like he was with them until the driver or the Coyote showed up. And we bounced. Yeah, it was that easy back then.

Interviewer: That’s quite an experience to go through as a baby.

Ivan VI: Yeah, I think it was more of an experience for my uncle having to deal with. He didn’t even have no kids back then. So just imagine, changing diapers not even knowing how to do it. He clowns on me on that, you know, but it’s all good. I love my uncle. He’s like …

Interviewer: Are you still close with him?

Ivan VI: Yeah. Actually, he is the one … He’s one of my uncles that does have his citizenship now. And, uh, well, he comes over here often. And he tells me… The first time he saw me here, he was like, “You know, your dad’s not here. He’s over there. And now I’m your dad, and you know that.” And, you know, he tries to get at me like my dad. But he’s real cool, man.

Interviewer: And so you grew up in the US for your whole childhood?

Ivan VI: The whole childhood.

Interviewer: Adult life?

Ivan VI: Juvenile. Childhood, juvenile. Elementary, middle school. One year of high school, because I got kicked out.

Interviewer: Okay.

Ivan VI: Juvenile hall. Juvenile camp.

Interviewer: Before we get to that stuff, you know, getting kicked out of high school … Do you have a favorite memory of your childhood in the US?

Ivan VI: Yes, I do, actually. And I think this is how I … I’m not going to say my Spanish is, like, perfect, because my punctuation is bad. You know, like Really bad. Apostrophes, acentos, and all of that? No. Uh-uh [negative]. Let’s just go back to basic old English. You know what I mean?

Ivan VI: But … See, when we were young, my dad’s Christian and my mom’s Catholic. So I used to go to both churches. Christian during the weekdays, Bible study and all that. And then, like on Sundays, my mom would take us out to a misa. And I think some of the most, like, peaceful … Or I don’t know. It was just like, it was just real calm. And my dad would make us all read the Bible, but we’ll … I’ll read a whole thing and then I’ll pass it to him, and then he’ll read it.

Ivan VI: And then, my brother would read it. My sister was too young. But we’d just keep going like that, and I don’t know. I found it … If I could just, like, paint you a picture, it’ll be us four, because my mom’s Catholic, like sitting in my parent’s bedroom. My dad laying down, my sister over there, you know, and my and my brother on the rug or whatever. With the window open, nice cool little breeze, you know.

Ivan VI: Just reading the Bible, you know with the thin pages trying to flip by themselves because of the wind, you know. And real chill, real cool, real peaceful, like, you know. That type of thing, man. And playing with my brother, man, and my little sister. Those were also pretty good.

Interviewer: Yeah, it sounds like a lot of happy family memories as a child.

Ivan VI: Yeah. My parents, they did a good job, man.

Interviewer: And then … Once you got to, like, your teenage years, you mentioned juvenile hall?

Ivan VI: Yeah.

Interviewer: What … Where did that all start?

Ivan VI: Females.

Interviewer: Females?

Ivan VI: Yes. No, I’m not lying.

Interviewer: Okay. Tell me more about that.

Ivan VI: Yeah. It was all Gucci in elementary, you know, and then everybody started going through puberty. You know, uh, middle school. Getting into fights over females, uh, you know. Yeah, man. And at the same time … We used to live in a 32-unit apartment complex and my parents were actually the managers.

Ivan VI: Uh, so, we’d have the kids from the apartment complex come over, and since we’re the managers, my dad had a good job. He was actually a truck driver already. Well, we had the Super Nintendo. We had the Nintendo 64 and shit like that. And, like, all the kids from the apartment complex would actually go over there, you know, like my little friends and what-not, would go over there and play with us or what-not.

Ivan VI: I had a … My homie, or one of my homies that I grew up with as a little kid too, in childhood … Found out that same apartment complex, he had an older brother that’s, uh … Well, back in those days was a member of a street gang. Which, since I was 14, I started representing. And we was about eight when his mom, actually, she received the news that, you know, that they had killed him.

Interviewer: That they killed him?

Ivan VI: They killed my friend’s older brother, you know. And, well, we had to go through the whole velorio [wake] through my friend’s parents. You know, their sorrow and all that. And then, it kinda like started making me hate black people. Anything that wasn’t Mexican, really. Long Beach is a really, really racial city.

Interviewer: What city?

Ivan VI: Long Beach.

Interviewer: Long Beach, California.

Ivan VI: Yes. Yeah, man.

Interviewer: And so, do you feel comfortable saying which gang it was?

Ivan VI: Yes, man. Well, actually … Yeah, no. I think we should leave it like that.

Interviewer: Okay. That’s fine. That’s fine.

Ivan VI: And you can see I actually have it tattooed on here.

Interviewer: You do.

Ivan VI: Yeah.

Interviewer: It’s okay, you don’t have to say it.

Ivan VI: Yeah…no. It’s all right.

Interviewer: That led to your friend dying?

Ivan VI: Yeah. Well …

Interviewer: Then, you started … That changed how you felt about black people.

Ivan VI: About black people.

Interviewer: Because of that?

Ivan VI: Yeah. Because of that and … You know, we were the minority in my middle school. Not the minority. We were kind of, like, equal. Actually, the white people were starting to get to be the minority.

Interviewer: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ivan VI: We were just like always bumping heads, because we’re better than you all, and woo-woo. It was just like … And with the thing that happened with my friend, it was like, fuck these … And we just started bumping heads. And then, I got recruited and got put on. It was just like … Juvenile hall. Juvenile camp. You know, things like that.

Interviewer: What led you to be in juvenile hall?

Ivan VI: See, that’s the crazy part. When I was 14, my dad and my mom found out I was smoking weed. And I’m being really honest right here, you know? And so… And I remember I tripped out early too, when I said 420. I was down there, and it was 422 on the little entrance. I put 420. And a coworker is like, “No, it’s 422.” I’m like, “But I want it to be 420.”

Ivan VI: Because it actually has a meaning to me, like 4/20 day. You know, I go out and I’m chilling with my friends from my neighborhood. I wasn’t from the neighborhood yet, you know. But I was already chilling with them and we would start banging the neighborhood, but, you know, wasn’t really from it. So, I’m out there smoking weed, you know. Celebrating 4/20. Worldwide anniversary for weed.

Ivan VI: And, uh, I get home and I get through thinking everything’s fine and dandy. I get home, I open the fridge. I remember mom had left me a plate of, um, chicken enchiladas … But I used to tell my mom … My mom used to make them like that, because I love them like that. Like capped with Monterey cheese. And, you know, just … I seen them. I was like, yes. And put it in my microwave, let them melt, and then went back to my room.

Ivan VI: Brother was already knocked out. I turn the TV on and I’m watching Cops. Bad boy or whatever. And, um, I crash out. About an hour, or a few hours later … Or a couple of hours later, the flashlight wakes me up. “Get up. You’re under arrest.” Say, what, you know? They were like, no, man. For real. You better get up before we get you up. Under arrest for what? Assault and battery. What?

Ivan VI: Yeah, man. Don’t act dumb. Your mom told us that you got here all drugged up. That you snatched the phone off the wall and you threw it at her. I said, really? So, if I did that, where is the phone at? No, no, no. You’re not going to start with that BS, woo woo. We’ll get your ass up. They got me up, handcuffed me, and I went to juvenile hall for three months.

Interviewer: And you were how old?

Ivan VI: I was 14.

Interviewer: Wow.

Ivan VI: And seeing how … Seeing my mom, now, or, you know, uh, going through therapy or what-not. She said that she did it because she found out I was smoking weed and she didn’t know any other way to help me. Uh, so that was that. But, see …

Interviewer: So, she thought that calling cops would be the best way to get you help?

Ivan VI: The best. Yeah.

Interviewer: What do you think about that? Do you think she was right or not?

Ivan VI: No, because I actually lived it. Yo se la viví [I lived it]. You know, I had to go into this juvenile hall. And it’s not cool when you’re labeled as the kid that beats up on his mom. You know… So, I caught the blues. I caught the blues. But, I mean … That just kind of fed my anger towards African Americans or what-not, because juvenile hall where I was at, they… they were like the big ones.

Ivan VI: I might be tall, but them motherfuckers is like … They do a couple of push-ups and they’re like, woo. Not us. Yeah, man. They pretty much put them people on me. And I just, like I said, it fed my thirst of hatred towards them. And I get out.

Interviewer: I’m wondering … So you mentioned how some of this led to you getting involved in gang stuff when you were young. Why do you think that so many young Mexican guys in the US end up turning to gangs?

Ivan VI: I would say it’s the lack of a role model or a father figure, mother figure. You know, something that’s real. You know, not a cartoon, not something you see on TV. Something that is real, you know, to look up to. And obviously, if you’re a little kid and, you know, you see mofos go by on trucks, you know, or you got the chains on, bald-headed. You’re like, man, I want to be like that guy. You know, like who’s that? You know…I don’t know.

Interviewer: That becomes your role model?

Ivan VI: Yeah, that pretty much becomes our role model.

Interviewer: What was your relationship like with your dad?

Ivan VI: Yeah, it was bad. Yeah. See, I started like … Yeah, man. Like the whole, rebel, or rebellion thing at that age. Like eighth grade. You know, uh, middle school. That’s when I started to, like, misbehave. They actually shot me to a program called, Devil Pups. The United States Marine Corps, they have a, you know, special ops team called, the Marine Corps Devil Dogs. They’re based out of Camp Pendleton in San Diego.

Ivan VI: And since my dad always used to go to on-campus suspension in middle school, and since the on-campus suspension dude was from the Navy, he pretty much talked my dad into saying that I needed some discipline. So, they shot me over there to that program. It was cool, though. I loved it. I still got my picture there. I got my ribbons, you know. I got to shoot a 50-cal when I was real young.

Interviewer: That’s probably exciting.

Ivan VI: Yeah. Laying down and my whole … This right here was like … After I got off it, yeah. But it was really cool, like… I got to … What I thought was the most challenging was jumping off a 50-foot tower into a pool.

Interviewer: Wow.

Ivan VI: That was pretty scary, you know, because I looked down and … I was the first one up. Not the first one, the third one up to the tower. But I was second from last to jump down. I didn’t know I was scared of heights.

Interviewer: So, you had all that time to get nervous. Yeah.

Ivan VI: Yeah. Get nervous and jump. And them motivating me. Not really motivating me, just Marine Corps drill sergeant [yelling noises]. And you’re just like, oh my god. I’m just going to jump. Fuck it. You jump.

Interviewer: Yeah.

Ivan VI: Yeah, man. I forgot where we were at with that, man.

Interviewer: Well, talking about this military … What was it? Like a camp?

Ivan VI: Oh, yeah. It was a camp. It was camp.

Interviewer: Camp. Yeah.

Ivan VI: Yeah, it was a camp.

Interviewer: Do you feel like that changed you in one way or another? Being at that military camp?

Ivan VI: Yes. It did actually. It taught me about, you know, chain of command. Learning how to follow orders in order to give orders. Um, yeah, man. That’s what it taught me, man. Discipline. So, uh, I kind of enjoyed that. And all this started going on, and then … you know, I get busted. Juvenile hall or whatever.

Ivan VI: I get out, and then it was just more of a reason for me to be like, what’s up man? I want to get put on. We’ve been out here, man. We from the hood. You can’t say we ain’t from the hood. Like, shit. And yeah, man. Pretty much got put on.

Interviewer: And so, let’s talk a little bit more about what led to you leaving the US and coming back to Mexico. What happened there?

Ivan VI: 2006, I turned 18. But in 2005, I had did a … It was an armed robbery. Me and two of my homeboys, we go up in a store and it was already because … The dude from the store was a Salvadorian dude. And I don’t know why Salvadorian people don’t like us in the States.

Ivan VI: I think it’s because of the whole process that they have to go through in order to get to the States. They got to go through Mexico. And I guess Mexican people, on their little way, they treat them bad. So, when they get over there they have a little resentment or what-not.

Interviewer: So, there’s tension between Salvadorians and Mexicans in the US?

Ivan VI: Well, yeah.

Interviewer: At least where you lived.

Ivan VI: Pretty much. Yes. So, we get a call. One of my homeboys, well actually my older homie that did that with me. He gets a call and he’s like, look. And he turns around, tells us. Hey, fool. Look. There’s this Salvadorian nigga, you know, thinks he’s the shit, you know. Refusing to sell, you know even if they’re trying to pay him things too and, like, [inaudible]. Just because he feels he’s the shit.

Ivan VI: So, we got to go, para darle el culo [get his ass]. I don’t know how you say it. Pretty much, like, you know, we got to go tell that nigga, what’s up? And it was like, in the meantime, we’re going to rob him. Let’s go. So, we went. And yeah, pretty much jumped over the counter and started beating. Pistol-whipping him with a gauge.

Ivan VI: Well, that was in 2005, when I was 17. I still go to camp for six months. Juvenile camp for a grand theft auto. I get out in December 2nd of 2005. January 21st, 2006, I turn 18. February, they busted me for that armed robbery that I did about a year ago, in 2005.

Ivan VI: And they dropped it down to a 212, because my homeboy, the oldest one … He was 27 at the time? Mm-hmm (affirmative), 27. He already had an armed robbery with a strike on his profile. So, being that he was the oldest one and the cameras seen him with the strap, they charged him for a second armed robbery, uh, with another strike. And they gave him 22, for the gun.

Interviewer: 22 years?

Ivan VI: And me and my homeboy were 18. First-offenders as adults, you know. And they dropped it down to a strong-arm… And gave me three years, and they gave him two and something. Two-and-a-half. And a strike. I got a strike. Yeah. And I did those three years.

Ivan VI: State prison, Delano. Centinela. Uh… that was pretty much it. Delano and Centinela. And then, I get out, 2009. I get deported through TJ. I was only out for like four days, though.

Interviewer: Okay. You had just gotten out of three years in prison. And then, what happened? ICE showed up at your house? Or how did that happen?

Ivan VI: No. I got deported. I got deported, because back in ’98 when I was 10 years old, my parents tried to get their citizenship, right? And because my mom is not too good at lying, and because she got nervous when she was giving her little testimony, the judge pretty much said, “Nah, man, I could tell you’re lying. Come on, man, you know.”

Ivan VI: And he said, refused. A voluntary deportation. You guys have got three months to get out of here. But… all we did was change addresses, or change homes, and just stood there. We were going to school. Changed schools and then pretty much … Left it at that.

Ivan VI: In 2009, when immigration comes picking me up from state prison, they’re like, “Oh, Ivan VI L. Okay. So uhm, yeah, you’re getting deported.” And I’m like, “Why?” They’re like, “because you’re from Mexico.” I said, “but I’ve been here all my life.” If you ask me, I was born in Long Beach Memorial Hospital. But I knew it wasn’t true.

Interviewer: You’ve been here since you were like, what? 10 months old you said?

Ivan VI: 10 months.

Interviewer: Yeah.

Ivan VI: I kind of left it at that. They said, “You’re… you’re gone.” I get deported through San Ysidro.

Interviewer: We’re you expecting that at all? On any level? To be deported?

Ivan VI: No, I wasn’t.

Interviewer: Did you see it coming at all?

Ivan VI: No, no. If you asked me when I was 17, bro, you’re going to get deported and you’re never going to come back to the States? I would have looked at you like you were crazy. Why, homie? Why are you going to send me to Mexico? What? Hell, no, you know.

Ivan VI: I would have did that. So, it was a shocker, but I didn’t have time to, like, dwell on it. 2009. I got out with no money. They left me out on a paper jumpsuit. Flat-jacks on my feet, you know. I get out, and before I get out, there’s these paisas, you know? And they’re like, no te aguites, cholo [don’t worry about it]. Don’t hurt … Not hurt yourself, but don’t beat yourself up because you got no money. Don’t beat yourself, don’t trip man.

Ivan VI: “When we get out of that bus, man, just try to stick with us and we got you.” And they did, man. For like five days. I was the one doing the errands. Go get me drugs. Go get me food. Go get me beer. Go get me females. I was the one doing … So, I didn’t have no time to dwell on the whole, “Oh my god, I’m in Mexico.” Like, you know, it was just really fast.

Interviewer: They kept you busy running their errands.

Ivan VI: And getting high. Uh, so, on the fifth day … On the fourth day, actually, one of those paisas is like, “Look, fool. About a month ago, I got deported.” And I was like, “What?” And he was like, “yeah, fool. About a month and a half ago, I got busted for a DUI. They reported me, and then I went back. I was out there for three weeks and they got me again.”

Ivan VI: So, they deported me. And now I’m here with you. He’s like, “I got the same Coyote, I got the same everything. I just don’t want to go alone, because it’s a long ass walk. We cross through Sonora, in Sasabe, to go to Tucson. Or Phoenix. But we’re in TJ.” So, he’s like, “but we’re going to get the bus. And if you go with me, my baby mama is going to take care of you and the whole Coyote.”

Ivan VI: I looked at him like, what? He’s like, yeah. I said, hold up. Give me your female’s number. I’m going to have my brother … I only lived with my brother for 18 months. So, my brother gets in touch with his wife. And his wife’s like, “Yeah, man, you know, I just don’t want him to go by himself. Last time he came through there, knees and hands were all scratched up.” It’s kind of dangerous.

Ivan VI: And my brother’s like, no, don’t trip. If you’re going to pay for everything, he’ll go. And yeah. Pretty much, we went down to Altar, Sonora. We were there for like two days. And we did the whole little crossing, man. We walked four, five days. Scratched up. Drinking old cow something.

Interviewer: Old cow something?

Ivan VI: Yeah. It was just like …

Interviewer: Like milk from a cow?

Ivan VI: It was like water but it had the mildew floating on it. And it was green.

Interviewer: Ew.

Ivan VI: I still had water. I had like three bottles. Three of these bottles in my backpack of good water. But I also had a gang of empty bottles. And I’d seen everybody with this desperation of being thirsty.

Interviewer: Mm-hmm [affirmative].

Ivan VI: You know, and I said, if you don’t fill up your waters … I thought to myself, “If you don’t fill up your waters, these empty bottles that you have, uh, these people are going to know that you have water.” So, just go with it. And I did. I started filling up the thing and I seen them covering the whole little thing with their shirt. And I, oh… And I did the same thing.

Ivan VI: I drank out of that water just to play it off. That happens and then we’re on … I think the fifth day? Fifth night? And we see the little drone. So and then.. I see the little drone, or we see the little drone, and he was like, “Run. Everybody, hide.” So, we hide and the drone leaves. About two minutes later, here comes the flashlights with immigration.

Ivan VI: So, my mistake was, being the first one to run. You know, as soon as I see the lights, I just booked it. I ran. Everybody’s reaction was, oh, let’s run with him. So, immigration followed the whole little group. And everybody that was just scared out of their mind and didn’t move, like shocked, they’re the ones that made it. And one of them was my friend.

Interviewer: He made it through, but not you?

Ivan VI: Yeah. That happens and I get… I go to immigration. They’re like, bro, we just let you out, woo woo. Matter of a fact, this is your … One, two. This is your third entry to the States without proper paperwork. I’m like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What you mean, third?”

Ivan VI: He’s like, yeah. One in ’88. One in ’98. And one in 2009. I said, “Bro, in ’98, I was 10 years old, like you know. And my parents were the ones doing the paperwork. I didn’t know what was going on.” He’s like, “I don’t care. It counts as a fucking deportee.” That’s a deportation. 41 months for being an illegal alien coming back to our country without permission. You’re going to get 41 months.

Interviewer: 41 months?

Ivan VI: And they based that off of …

Interviewer: Almost four years?

Ivan VI: Three-and-a-half.

Interviewer: Three-and-a-half years.

Ivan VI: And they base that off of your past criminal history. You know, I had the strong-arm robbery with the strike, you know aggravated felony. And they had this little chart. How many points with how many times you’re going to do. And they lined it up, and they were trying to give me 87 months. I said, “What? For what? For coming back into the United States without a proper to come into …” I was like, “you’re crazy.”

Ivan VI: And I didn’t even fight it. My lawyer was just like, “Look, bro,” on the third court date, “Look, bro, these people ain’t going to pay. They’re not like State, where the more you wait, the lower the time you get.”

Ivan VI: “No. Here, in the Feds? The more you wait and you make them mad, the higher your time is going to be.” I said, “Man, how much are they giving me right now?” “41 months.” “Give them to me.” I did three-and-a-half for being about two miles into the United States from Tijuana.

Interviewer: Wow. Yeah, you hadn’t even made it that far.

Ivan VI: No. It felt like it though.

Interviewer: Yeah. And so, after those three and a half years …

Ivan VI: I get deported through Matamoros, Tamaulipas. And that was crazy, because I remember getting off the bus and I see the Casa del Migrantes. But they’re over here like this. And you know, I’m like, damn. They come up to us, and they’re like, look, man. This is … You’re in, Matamoros, Tamaulipas. Here, you know, woo-woo runs this. And you can’t speak about anybody else.

Ivan VI: And if you do, well, you know the consequences. And the females. They were like, the females, we respect them. You could look but you can’t like [whistles] … Or none of that. If you do, same thing happens. They loaned us a hand. We walked, or they drove us to las centrales de camiones.

Ivan VI: And we pretty much got on. I went to TJ. From TJ, I see my brother. My little brother came through. And from there we grab a plane to Mexico City. And, yeah.

Interviewer: And you’ve been here ever since?

Ivan VI: No. I actually went back to TJ. Yeah.

Interviewer: How long were you in TJ?

Ivan VI: About 15 months.

Interviewer: What were you doing there?

Ivan VI: I was working. I was working, I had my little girl with me. I had a nice little two-floor… it wasn’t a big house, but it was a nice, cool little house, you know. A little ’98 Honda Civic. Cars over there are real cheap, you know. Normal family thing.

Interviewer: How did you end up back in Mexico City?

Ivan VI: You ever heard that song by Shaggy? “It Wasn’t Me.”

Interviewer: Yeah.

Ivan VI: All right. That. That’s what happened. Like, you know, baby mama found out I was being unfaithful. And she didn’t throw a fit. She just like grabbed 15, uh, 15 G’s in Pesos. Everything that I have of value. And just didn’t say nothing. I went to work on a Friday, came back, and the house was just a mess. I didn’t hear from her for about a month.

Ivan VI: And when I did, she was like, motherfucker, woo-woo. Showed me all the pictures. And you’re never going to see me or hear from me again. Woo-woo. And uh, yeah. Pretty much, I stayed down there in TJ for a few more months. Living the bachelor or whatever until I got tired of it, man.

Ivan VI: I actually started, like, feeling like my little girl needed me. Like, that’s that fatherly … Sometimes, and it’s going to sound weird, I could feel, like, my little baby telling me that she needs me. Like, “Daddy.” You know, I feel it. I don’t know. It’s just in the blood, I guess.

Interviewer: Some kind of connection?

Ivan VI: And I started feeling that. Nah. Bro. She needs you, fool. She’s not right. And sure indeed. I come back to Mexico all bad. You know, I try to do the right thing. Home girl is just real stuck-up, because now I’m chasing her to come back with me. Real stuck-up. She’s taking advantage of that, you know.

Ivan VI: And I pick up the fumona and mezcal [alcoholic drink]. I was living by myself too. Here, I already come back. I was living by myself. And it was just an everyday thing for like nine months. And that’s when I decided to go to a rehab center here in Mexico, called anexos [rehab center].

Interviewer: How long were you in rehab?

Ivan VI: I was there the first time for like 10 months.

Interviewer: Hm.

Ivan VI: It’s called, este anexo fuera de serie [rehab center]. For hard-headed people that don’t just listen with words. I was there for 10 months. And I get out, I do the whole little family thing again. And then, my baby mama finds out that I’m being unfaithful again. She calls these people up and then they show. They show up to my house, find me, and they grab my ass. Throw me in a car. And another 10 months. So, yeah. I’m not with her no more though [laughs].

Interviewer: And how long has it been now since you got out of rehab?

Ivan VI: I didn’t get out. I AWOL-ed. Both times.

Interviewer: You what?

Ivan VI: I escaped.

Interviewer: You escaped. Okay. How did you do that?

Ivan VI: Well, they finally gave me the opportunity and the trust to go pick up our food to the Ganges. This is what they do, they charge … They make … Well, we go out to the Ganges and we ask for food for our… for our compañeros.

Ivan VI: And sometimes they give us and sometimes they don’t. But yeah, they gave me an opportunity to go start doing that. So the first chance I got … We went to Centro de abasto aquí de Iztapalapa [food market in Iztapalapa]. And the first … Gone. Just disappeared. And yeah, man. That was pretty much it.

Interviewer: And that was the first time in rehab? Or the second time?

Ivan VI: That was the first time.

Interviewer: And then, the second time, how did you get out?

Ivan VI: Same way.

Interviewer: Same thing?

Ivan VI: Yeah, but I, uh, kind of miss somebody in there. But that’s a whole different thing. Yeah.

Interviewer: Well, so how many years have you been back in Mexico now?

Ivan VI: Six.

Interviewer: Six years. What’s been the hardest part about being back in Mexico?

Ivan VI: I don’t know, I don’t know, man. I guess it’s just like … like, I’m not going to say discrimination and shit. Or not being with my relatives, people I grew up with or any of that, because … Here, it’s like … And I think that’s why a lot of the homies are finding themselves in this situation that they find themselves in, because they feel like, you know, the only people that they could relate to is somebody like them, which is us.

Ivan VI: You know, and… and they kind of want to feel like they’re… like they felt back when they were in the States, so they kinda like just depend on that. And, where a lot of us ain’t doing that good, you know a lot of us are using drugs. And we’re not pressured, but that has a lot to do with it.

Interviewer: That’s why people turn to… to gangs when they come back to Mexico?

Ivan VI: Right. Because they think … I feel like they need that, uhm, yeah, that brothership, I guess, they felt back over there. And since they can’t get it here, because … Well, our cousins, aunts, you know, brothers, sisters that we used to play with aren’t here. The people that we call our family here are pretty much people that we don’t even know.

Ivan VI: We didn’t grow up with them. And then we get here and they know that we’re coming from a penitentiary. And they already stereotype us. You know, they judge us without even knowing us, you know. Automatically. Oh my god, he’s all tatted. And just, off the top, you meet them and you see that reaction from them. You’re like, mm no. Fuck that.

Ivan VI: You either decide to do your thing or decide to live with that until you get into a situation with one of them and you get either kicked out or whatever. But, yeah, man.

Interviewer: So, people looking at you. They judge you?

Ivan VI: Yeah, but that’s normal. I used to be, like … I’m used to it from the States, but here, Mexico, I was like, wow. I was like, now I know what, you know, my mom and dad, you know, went through when they first got over there. You know, like, not knowing how to work. Being discriminated against, you know.

Ivan VI: But in my scenario, it’s getting here and having to work, you know, construction and not knowing a motherfucking thing. And being discriminated, you know, by our own people. Like, I feel like, man, I’m going through what like everybody back in those days chasing the American Dream had to go through. I’m going through the same thing they’re going through, you know.

Interviewer: That’s really interesting. Yeah. It’s like they went through that coming to the US, and now you have to go through it coming back here.

Ivan VI: But we went through that coming back to Mexico.

Interviewer: Do you consider yourself more American or Mexican?

Ivan VI: No. I’m Mexican. And like I said, I lived with my brother for like 18 months. Uhm, but … See, I like boxing a lot. And we used to train. Me and my brother used to train. And my dad would always get him, like, the United States flag on his gloves. And I’d always pick the Mexican ones, like, you know.

Ivan VI: Real big fan of Julio Cesar-Chavez. All his fights, right there. Yeah, you know. I always knew I was Mexican. And for that same reason, I want to get the “hecho en Mexico” [made in Mexico] right here. And the California State right here.

Interviewer: You consider yourself Californian?

Ivan VI: Yes, I do. Southern Californian. Yes.

Interviewer: Long Beach.

Ivan VI: Long Beach. Long Beach City, man.

Interviewer: Yeah, where most of your life was.

Ivan VI: Yeah. Long Beach. I didn’t really travel when I was over there. My parents wanted us, when I first got out of Juvenile Camp, they wanted us to move to Las Vegas. I said, nah, man. I’m staying here in the hood. And they didn’t move, because of that. You know? Yeah.

Interviewer: What do you miss the most about Long Beach?

Ivan VI: My mom and dad. I ain’t seen them since 2006.

Interviewer: 13 years?

Ivan VI: Yeah, man. It’s just … I mean, I talk to my mom. And I talk to my dad. But just being like, “Come here, mom, viejita” [little old lady] You know? That. And my dad, just looking at me like, my bad. My bad, fool. Doing that. I tell them over the phone, “My bad. I fucked up.” But not get that like Mmm … You know what I mean?

Interviewer: Yeah. The hug. The physical connection.

Ivan VI: I think that’s what I miss the most, man.

Interviewer: That’s really hard.

Ivan VI: Yeah.

Interviewer: Is there anything good about being back in Mexico?

Ivan VI: Yes. I love Mexico City.

Interviewer: What’s your favorite thing about it?

Ivan VI: Well, up until a few months ago, um, feeling invisible. Feeling invisible. I feel tiny. There’s, like, a whole lot of people here. I’m walking down the street woo-woo … I’m walking down Madero. And nobody looks at me. Not the cops. If I would have been back in Long Beach? They would have been like, “L. Where are the guns at? Come here.”

Ivan VI: And here, it’s like, I walk by them. And they be like … I actually went to the cannabis marches that they have right here. They have little marches to legalize cannabis. And it was just awesome. A gang of fuckin’ potheads, and like, just walking down to … What’s it’s called? Uh, man, I forgot, man. Uh, but yeah, man, we’re just smoking weed. You know, I thought it was pretty cool. For real. Yeah.

Interviewer: If you had never been deported, if you’d stayed in the US, what do you think you would have done? Where do you think your life would have gone?

Ivan VI: To tell the truth, when I was 16, like I was getting the recruiters for the military. And I’m talking about all military branches were getting at me when I was 15. Talking about, we can get you your papers. You know, uh, we can get you into college. And you’ll come out as an officer. A second lieutenant of the army or whatever. And that was pretty much my thing. Military.

Interviewer: In Mexico, now. What’s your plan? What do you think? What are your hopes and dreams for your life here? Or do you want to go back to the US?

Ivan VI: No, I don’t. I don’t. My hopes and dreams, man, are … Maybe not economically, because, you know, I’m in a point in time where … That’s primordial [fundamental], because I have a little baby. And she eats. She likes, you know … Well, anyways. That, you know.

Interviewer: What’s your daughter’s name?

Ivan VI: Suri.

Interviewer: How old is she now?

Ivan VI: She’s five. May 13th, 2014. And yeah, I guess that’s like… that’s like, bettering myself as a person. I try not to throw trash nowadays on the floor. And I got that from my girlfriend, right now. She sees me throw out a trash, and she’ll make me pick up that trash and then pick up somebody else’s trash up.

Ivan VI: And I’ll be like … The first time she said that, I was like, no you’re not. I’m not going to pick up somebody else’s … Crap. Fuck. All right. I’ll pick it up. You know? That. Just bettering myself, man. Every day. Pretty much, man. And just being happy, man. Like, you know, forgetting about, like, all the hate. And all the, “that,” that I had in me for a long time.

Ivan VI: Just trying to … Whenever that happens, I try to just, like, no, bro. Life’s beautiful. Smoke a little stick. You know? Go out. Get some fresh air. She’ll probably trip. But get you some bitches. Try not to get busted by your girl, because she’s going to wig out, you know.

Ivan VI: But yeah, that. That type of … Throw the Ray-Bans on and just be like … You know? Yeah, yeah man. But it’s cool. I love Mexico City. Man, I-

Interviewer: Just living the good life?

Ivan VI: … Trying to at least.

Interviewer: Trying to.

Ivan VI: Yeah, man. Yeah.

Interviewer: Is there any … As we start wrapping up, is there anything else that you feel like you want to say that you haven’t gotten to share yet? Or anything that you want us to know about you or your experiences?

Ivan VI: I actually, uhm … And I’m going to do this. You know, and I hope, you know … I want to start un centro de autoayuda [a self-help center] for deportees. And the reason for that is, when I was in anexos [the rehab center] like I mentioned to you earlier, I express myself better in English. So, they make me go up to the little tribuna [platform] and tell them my issues but in Spanish.

Ivan VI: And I felt like I couldn’t express myself correctly. And then, to people that don’t even know me. So, that’s something that I would love to do. Like you know, open up a centro de autoayuda [a self-help center] for deportees that are drug addicts. That are drug addicts, because of some type of, you know, emotional whatever. Or something that they went through in the past. And I’m just letting you all know. I want to do it.

Interviewer: That’s great. That’s great.

Ivan VI: But I need to stop using drugs, first. Really. And that’s kind of hard, actually.

Interviewer: Do you think you’ll ever go back to rehab?

Ivan VI: I have to, I think. Yeah, I have to. I just hate being locked up, bro. Like just the mere thought of like having to follow a whole routine. I think that’s what I hate most. Like, routines. I just like doing me. You know what I mean?

Interviewer: Yeah.

Ivan VI: But just the thought of that is like, fuck. Crap. You know, having to follow other people’s orders and you have to put up with other people. It’s something that I don’t do. I don’t like something, I let it be known. You know, or if I feel like you coming at me some type of way, I’ll let you know too. Well, you just can’t do that in those places, you know, but … Yeah, man.

Interviewer: Yeah. You have to live on someone else’s schedule.

Ivan VI: Yeah. I think that’s like normal life. Normal job. Normal everything. It’s just real hard though, you know?

Interviewer: Yeah.

Ivan VI: Not real hard. It’s kind of actually simple. It’s just, you know … Stop being all hard-headed. Yeah, man.

Interviewer: What’s your biggest goal for, let’s say, this next year? What do you hope for, for yourself?

Ivan VI: Well, this year coming up, my girl’s going to start her second year of elementary. And I was real proud of that fact that Kindergarten came around and I took care of my responsibilities. You know, bought her her uniforms, got her in a private school. And I walked her, her first week to her school. Even though I was working and all of that.

Ivan VI: That made me feel like, you know, so uh … Just trying to … I don’t know. Not only better myself, but I got to do that. I got to take out my little girl. And I got to make sure that, you know, she shows up to her class or whatever. Her friends. Feeling herself with that confidence. Not having to go through, you know, wearing Goodwill fuckin’ clothes or whatever.

Ivan VI: You know what Goodwill is?

Interviewer: Yeah.

Ivan VI: Yeah. That was … To us, it was like, Goodwill? Fuck, yeah. Let’s go shopping. Like, you know? It wasn’t Target or fucking Walmart. It was Goodwill, which was cool. But I guess, some people at school were like, nigga, what? What you got on? Goodwill?

Interviewer: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ivan VI: But it’s all Gucci. I ain’t tripping off of that. You know, like? Yeah, man.

Interviewer: But for your daughter, Goodwill …

Ivan VI: For my daughter, it’s that. For me? Stop using drugs. This year. With the help of a centro de ayuda. Or not. But, see, and the reason I don’t want to go to a centro de ayuda is because they’re real back in the days about cannabis. Here in Mexico, they’re still tabooed about that. And I’m not.

Ivan VI: I’m like Bruno Mars, shit, I don’t get high. I get medicated. You know what I mean? And it’s the truth. I smoke weed and I just like … I just read a little thing on parents that smoke weed and parents that don’t smoke weed.

Interviewer: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ivan VI: Parents that smoke weed spend more time with their children, because I was either high and they play around with them more.

Interviewer: I can see that.

Ivan VI: People that don’t get high, just real irritated. Like, man, shut up. And just … But there’s a lot of things, man, that cannabis …

Interviewer: More patience. More patience for children.

Ivan VI: Exactly. Yes.

Interviewer: Are there other drugs too?

Ivan VI: Yes, there is. I’m not going to lie. Yes. Yeah, man. But I mean, that’s not like a reason for this whole little conversation to just get weird. You know what I mean? You felt it. You know, and it’s not … Yeah, man. But it’s all good. Man, I’m going to be all right. Yeah.

Interviewer: Well, I really appreciate you coming to talk to us.

Leave a Reply Cancel Reply