Edgar I

Edgar I

Male, Age 47

Crossed the border at 21 with children seeking economic opportunity and family reunification

US occupation: factory worker

Issued voluntary departure at 33 after apprehension for drug possession

Left behind: siblings

Mexican occupation: factory worker

Mexico City, Mexico
Edgar I
June 6, 2019

Interviewer: Do you want to tell me where were you born? Where did you grow up in Mexico or where did you live in Mexico before you came to the U.S?   

Edgar I: I was born in Mexico City. In a neighborhood called [redacted]. So, before I left Mexico, I was working here, doing good, but the situation started getting a little bit more heavy, so I decided to move to the American dream. 

Interviewer: Can you tell me more about the situation here that made you decide to leave?

Edgar I: You know the economic thing. In the jobs see what’s good pay, and I didn’t have the education, so it’s a little more hard for me to find a good job. So, you know, they gave me the opportunity to go to the USA, and I took it. 

Interviewer: How old were you when you came to the U.S?

Edgar I: I was like 29. 

Interviewer: Okay. That’s my age.

Edgar I: Yeah, I was 29 and I took my little baby. He was one year old.

Interviewer: What’s his name?

Edgar I: Gustavo. 

Interviewer: Was it just you and him?

Edgar I: And my girl. Yeah, she was like 17 by that time. So, we decided to, you know, to move to the USA.

Interviewer: Do you remember your first day in the U.S?

Edgar I: I remember my first day. I crossed the border, and I was in Phoenix. It was kind of cool. You get there and you see different people. And I don’t know, like trying to get the American dream. 

Interviewer: What did you think of the American dream as meaning? What does that phrase mean to you?

Edgar I: The first time I thought it was going to be easy to get the American dream.  But you know… it was kind of hard. It’s not that easy to get it. You know, you got to get through a lot of things, situations. But yeah, it was alright. I met a lot of people, good people. I don’t complain. I didn’t have any situation about the court or racist thing.

Interviewer: You didn’t have any bad situations like that?

Edgar I: Not really. You know, it was more with my people. The situation is always when they came back to Mexico and they start telling you about how is the USA. They always tell you about the black and white people, and how it is, but my situation was different. The racism was more with my own people. It was a different situation because I was from the city, and a lot of people they hate people from the city and all stuff like that. But for me, it was okay. It is hard because you got to get through a lot. You got to speak the language, but for me it was good. It’s not that hard to find.

Interviewer: And did you start working soon after you got to the U.S?

Edgar I: Yeah, I started working in dishwashing.

Interviewer: At a restaurant?

Edgar I: Yeah, the first job that I had was in San Francisco. I was there for two years. I was working in a restaurant first, and then I got to the program they call SFCC. I started working there, and they provide me one day of education, so I took it. So that’s how I learned to speak my English. It was awesome to start communicating with different people.

Interviewer: And for your girlfriend or your partner or your wife, what was her transition like coming to the U.S?

Edgar I: Well, the transition, it was easier because she was there before me in the USA, so she went to school in all that time. She was already speaking English, so it was not that difficult for her. She started working in AMC theaters. While for her it was easier to get used to, for me, it was a little harder. I speak English and all that stuff, but it was a little bit hard. But I always used to like hip-hop, so for me, it was good to learn English.

Interviewer: Did hip-hop help you to learn English?

Edgar I: Yeah, a lot.

Interviewer: Are there any certain songs that you remember that really helped you? Learning the lyrics?

Edgar I: Well with the lyrics? I don’t remember that much. But what kind of song? You can say, Snoop Dogg.

Interviewer: Snoop Dogg? [Laughs].

Edgar I: Yeah. But yeah, stuff that sounds like that.

Interviewer: Were there any bad experiences that you had where you didn’t feel comfortable speaking English, or you didn’t understand what someone was saying?

Edgar I: No, not really. I really was with good people. You know, they never make fun of me because I didn’t speak English. They were trying to help me. And it was especially black people. It’s kind of difficult because a lot of people hate black people. But for me it was different. I got a couple of good friends, and they helped me a lot. I never had any bully things, stuff like that. 

Interviewer: That’s great. So, they helped you?

Edgar I: Yeah.

Interviewer: Did you also have other Mexican friends? Latino friends?

Edgar I: Well yes, I have my Mexican friends. They were in school too. They got a job. I got this friend, he used to do a lot of graffiti and stuff. That was my first friend from over there and he was cool guy, and he’s still my friend. Actually, he’s here too. [Chuckles]. He got deported too. I was with him for three years.

Interviewer: And what happened to make you leave the U.S?

Edgar I: What happened? Well, a lot of people say “I got deported”, but no, I make myself deported. I got in trouble and I got caught with drugs, so I went to jail. I was almost a year in jail and then I got deported. So that was my situation.

Interviewer: Self-deported because of your decision?

Edgar I: Yeah. Because a lot of people say, “Oh no, it’s because of the president or the government” and all that stuff. But when you think about it is not them, it’s you. You’re making bad decisions and then you got to confront those decisions. I cannot say they deported me. I deported myself.

Interviewer: Do you feel any anger towards the U.S? Because of what happened?

Edgar I: No, not really. Like I said, it was my fault and I learned from my mistakes. Now that I’m here, I want to go back. I want to go back and visit. I still have one brother over there. He’s a citizen. So, I want to go back. You know, I liked Chicago. I love it. 

Edgar I: A lot of people are too scared to go to Chicago. It’s kind of dangerous, but I got used to Chicago. They opened the doors for me, a lot of jobs, a lot of friends. You can see drugs too and all that stuff. But I got like a lot of opportunities over there, more than San Francisco.

Interviewer: How long were you detained before you got deported?

Edgar I: I was in jail, so they sent me to immigration. When I was in immigration, they gave me the opportunity to sign my own deportation. I signed it and that was it for life. It took me three months to get deported. And it was kind of different. It’s a little bit harder than being in jail because—

Interviewer: The Immigration detention is harder than being in jail?

Edgar I: Yeah.

Interviewer: What’s it like?

Edgar I: It’s because you’ve got the cartel, you got the different situations. And then like I say, depends where you are from. I’m from the city. They don’t like people from the city. It’s a lot of people from the states, from Michoacan, all those places. They don’t like people from the city. So, it’s a little bit harder. They want to make extortions to you and stuff like that, you know? And they want to try to find you soon as you hit the border. They tend to get you so you can change you back with drugs and all that stuff. So, yeah, it’s a little bit more difficult than to be in jail in the USA.

Interviewer: And how long have you been back in Mexico now?

Edgar I: I’ve been here for like six years.

Interviewer: Was it hard coming back?

Edgar I: Well yeah, it was hard. You had to get used to it again, the government, stuff. And especially when I left, the city was not like it is now. It’s more dangerous, and it’s a little more difficult for people like us. Because you get used to being paid well, you had more opportunities. But, here, it’s a little bit harder to get opportunities, you got to work much more hard to get it in and it’s really dangerous to be here.

Interviewer: What was the hardest part about coming back to Mexico?

Edgar I: Coming back here it was being by myself. My kid was still over there. They took a while to come back. So yeah, I think there’s the part most difficult for me.

Interviewer: And so, your son, is he here now?

Edgar I: Yeah.

Interviewer: Does he live with you?

Edgar I: Yeah, they’re living with me. 

Interviewer: How long were you separated?

Edgar I: Like a year. My wife was sending the stuff that we kept over there and making a little bit more money. So yeah, they took like a year to come back to me. [Laughs]

Interviewer: That must’ve been hard, being apart for a year.

Edgar I: Well, you can say the year I was here plus the year I was in jail. 

Interviewer: So, it’s really more than a year.

Edgar I: Yeah, more than a year.

Interviewer: What would you consider to be the most positive thing about being back in Mexico? What’s the best thing about it?

Edgar I: Well, the best thing about it is I learned from my mistakes, my addictions. Now I don’t have any addiction. I’m trying to make my life clean. So, I think it will be you learn, you cannot say that…You cannot be mad for what happened. You got to learn from your mistakes and keep up because it’s not the end of the line over there. The road, you’ve got to keep going.

Interviewer: And if you do end up going back to the US, do you think you would do things differently?

Edgar I: I would do things differently. I want to go back because I want to bring clothes to sell over here, to make the business. Now I’m thinking differently. Now I am focusing on what I want. Now I know what I want for my family—especially for my family because they’ve been through stuff that they’re not supposed to.

Interviewer: You lived in the U.S for a long time, but you’ve lived in Mexico for a lot of your life too. Do you consider yourself only Mexican or do you consider yourself American too?

Edgar I: Well, I would say then I’m from Chicago, you know what I’m saying?

Interviewer: Yeah.

Edgar I: So, I feel more a part of the USA than Mexico. I don’t know why. You know a lot of people hate that thing about me because they say, “Oh, you’re not Mexican and blah blah blah blah.” You know my own country, they didn’t give me that much opportunity. And, since I was a kid, I like the culture of USA, I like hip hop and all that stuff. I love it. So, if when they asked me where I from, I always say I’m from Chicago.

Interviewer: What other things do you like about American culture?

Edgar I: I like the way that they think. You know, about the culture. Technology, about how they help—when I was over there, like recycled things, those kinds of things that we didn’t have here. Like trying to save the world, you know? I feel like with the white folks think more to help everybody else. You know, they try to help the cultures. I don’t know how I can say it but, yeah. And you know, I like that kind of culture, they always trying to help you. It’s not what they say about how they just want to use you or treat you like a slave or stuff, it’s not true. They have a different way of thinking. That’s why I like it that much.

Interviewer: What about Mexican culture? What do you like the best about it?

Edgar I: I like my culture. I like the Aztec thing. But I think it’s over, part of my culture is over. It’s been dead for a long time. So, the people want to keep doing the culture thing but not anymore. You know, that thing is mixed with Spain and things—the things that they do now. But for me, I like my culture, but my culture is dead for a long time.

Interviewer: What parts of the Mexican culture are still alive?

Edgar I: Well, you keep it alive because you’re still doing it right? But I feel like the pyramids, Tenochtitlan, and all that stuff? I feel like I still feel a little bit of my culture then.

Interviewer: Do you think that there’s anything the government should be doing differently in Mexico to help returned migrants like you?

Edgar I: Well, yeah, they should be helping us. Trying to give like… They’re gonna think and talk about immigration stuff. The more money that came and help the economic healing in Mexico is us, you know what I mean? Because we send the money. All the people that send the money, it’s a lot of help for us, for the economy. So, I feel like they really should think about more to help our people.

Edgar I: When I was in jail, they just give me a hundred pesos, you know what I mean? I was like, with a hundred pesos, you cannot do anything. You cannot even buy a ticket to go back. They should at least give you the tickets so you can go back with your family. And see the situations where they have over there in immigration because it’s like I’m saying, it’s a little bit difficult to be in immigration. You know, because you saw a lot of extortion. They should be focused a little bit more on those because we’re part of the economy.

Interviewer: Yeah. I agree. Do you think there’s anything that the U.S should do differently in how migrants are treated?

Edgar I: Well, I didn’t have any problems with that. Like the CEOs of the immigration, I didn’t have any problem. I think they were kind of mean with the people that were like really, really big—you know, like with people with the cartel or the people that used to like traffic people. I never see people like me, treating me low or beating me or mob or stuff like that. It was actually kind of nice. I didn’t have any problem with immigration stuff.

Interviewer: Well as looking to the future now, what are your biggest hopes for your future here in Mexico or back in the US?

Edgar I: No, actually it’s here. My goals are right here. Part of my goals, like I said, I want to go back and trying to bring clothes to sell over here and make business. My priority is here. Right now, I’m trying to save dogs, that they on the street, cats, and stuff like that. So, I got a mission here right now. I just want to go back to shopping, seeing my brother. Sometimes he came to visit me, but not that much, but that’s cool. That’s my goal.

Interviewer: What do you do to help dogs and cats or what do you want to do?

Edgar I: Well, right now I got like 16 dogs, and I got 28 cats.

Interviewer: Wow.

Edgar I: I want to make a foundation, but right now just starting to help the most that I can. I don’t get that much pay good. I don’t got a good job, but I’m trying to do my best. That’s what I do right now.

Interviewer: Is there anything else that you feel like you haven’t gotten a chance to say that you want to say or anything else that you want us to know about you?

Edgar I: Not really. I just want to right now say the truth. You know, we got a lot of Mexicans, they don’t say the truth. They say the people that are mean are the white dudes and the black dudes. But it’s not true. You know, they got to be honest and they got to say it’s between us. You know what I’m saying? The worry is not with them. It’s with us, and we don’t change that situation. I mean, we’ve got to do something around here.

Edgar I: So that’s why I do these interviews. Because I want to say you know the truth of what I feel.